


knowing somebody doesn't make them yours

by axc_el



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Pining, Rated T for swearing, Slow Burn, matsuhana if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23534374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axc_el/pseuds/axc_el
Summary: The whole 'falling for Oikawa' process was a long and tedious one. It wasn't so cutthroat that he suddenly woke up one morning head over heels for his best friend; no, it had happened over the many years they'd known each other, starting with maybe a few flutters within his heart, but ultimately leading to something a bit more consistent.He was in deep, and he didn't know how to get out. Did he even want to get out anymore?Iwaizumi took a stuttering breath, his thunderous heart not slowing a single beat. I know what I want, he thought while sliding open the classroom doors and slipping into his seat. But I don't think I'll ever be able to have it."Is that going to stop you from wanting it, though?" a small voice in the back of his mind prodded, a bitter chuckle accompanying the words. "Of course not. You never learn, do you?"____________________________________________________In which Iwaizumi is a mess, Oikawa tries his best, and everyone else is tired of their shit.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 16
Kudos: 167





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!! This is my first fanfic, so please go easy on me! This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I changed my mind last minute lmao so look forward to more chapters! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy. ❤

"Oikawa-kun! Good morning!" 

The man in question only spared a practiced smile for his cheer squad, his cheeks flushed from the attention and his dimples showing themselves proudly. He laughed and sent a " _good morning!"_ of his own.

This was nothing new. What _was_ new, however, was the feeling crawling up the back of Iwaizumi's neck and settling at the base of his head. Like a thousand prickling pin-point needles, the sensation made itself known in the most unwelcome way. 

He smacked the back of his neck in an effort to make the feeling go away. But of course, no such mercy was given. If anything, the feeling only worsened the longer he lingered around the smiling brunet, and he eventually found himself thinking things along the lines of _that should be me making you smile like that,_ or _you don't have to pretend around me--_

It was a dangerous train of thought, one that was only welcomed into the depths of Iwaizumi's mind during the late hours of the night, after a particularly grueling practice. A train of thought that was often conducted by the more _primal_ part of his mind, if he had to put it into words. 

"Fucking monkey brain," he muttered to himself. 

He would never admit it but when Oikawa suddenly slung an arm over his shoulder he damn near screamed. 

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa crooned, "what are you muttering to yourself?" Without realizing it, he and Oikawa had begun walking in tandem with one another, and that he had unconsciously brought himself closer to Oikawa. He cursed silently, and slowly slunk away from Oikawa's touch. He lamented the loss of warmth that once sat comfortably on his shoulders, but he'd rather deal with the cold than an overly affectionate Oikawa.

"Piss off, Trashykawa," Iwaizumi spat, but the two boys knew that there was no real heat behind the subtle jab. 

"Why are you so mean to me? Oh, how I miss my cute Iwa-chan!" Iwaizumi tread on to the clubroom, willfully ignoring the pout that Oikawa was undoubtedly wearing. It was a weapon of mass destruction, that pout of his. And if he didn't know any better, which he did, Iwaizumi would say that Oikawa was unaware of the effect he has on others, Iwaizumi included. 

"Shut up, I was never cute in the first place." 

It was a silent agreement that neither of them was to mention how he didn't deny that last part. 

They only had a few short minutes together before the rest of the members showed up, but Iwaizumi couldn't find it in him to bring up the nagging urge of wanting to keep Oikawa to himself, and only himself. Though, it would be kinda weird were he to suddenly spring it upon him. While they may have been childhood friends, Iwaizumi wasn't exactly the sensitive one in the relationship. Oikawa probably knows better than anybody that Iwaizumi's rough exterior was quite fragile, and it only took a few prods in the right places to get through to him. 

Swiftly unlocking the gym doors, the two of them set to readying up the place before the rest of the members showed up. It was done quickly and quietly, which strangely enough put Iwaizumi on even more edge. 

A soft "Iwa-chan," throttled Iwaizumi out of his thoughts and back into reality. He looked up through the net to find Oikawa looking at him, but there was something _very_ off about his gaze. The usual teasing mirth in his eyes was replaced by thinly veiled concern, and a small quirk of his lips had Iwaizumi's thoughts scattering in a frenzy. 

Mouth agape like a fish, Iwaizumi took a minute for himself before actually responding to Oikawa. "What do you want?" 

"Are you feeling okay? No fever?" Oikawa swung under the net and approached Iwaizumi how one would approach an injured tiger or lion: cautiously, and as non-threateningly as possible. Once he got close enough, he brought the back of his hand up to Iwaizumi's forehead and gave a low whistle. "You might want to sit out for this one, Iwa-chan. You're feeling a bit, how do I say this without you punching me, ah-- warm." 

Yeah, he may have been feeling a bit stuffy, but it wasn't from whatever bug Oikawa thought he'd gotten. But Oikawa's hand on his skin was pleasantly cool to the touch, and he could feel his nerves slipping away from him like the tide of the waves. He was sure they'd come back sooner or later, but he'd take this breather gratefully. He felt his eyelids droop, and he failed to stifle a yawn that came out of his mouth. He could _feel_ Oikawa scrunch his brows in confusion; he didn't need to see him in order to know what was going on inside of his head.

"Okay, now I'm getting scared. Iwa-chan, should I start running?" A nervous chuckle slipped past Oikawa's lips, and the hand on his forehead started to retreat. Iwaizumi growled, a low rumble in his throat. The hand stayed. 

"Don't you ever shut up? Just… don't move for a bit." 

They stood there for what seemed like hours, but a look to the open door showed that the sun had barely risen past the mountains. Oikawa's breathing stilled, and the soft morning light shone on his locks, as impeccable as ever. Iwaizumi couldn't even find it in himself to envy Oikawa for something that he had admittedly been struggling with for years. He could, however, find it in himself to simply admire the hard work and dedication that went into those very locks. 

It was as if time came to a stop when it was just the two of them like this. Like nothing mattered but the breaths they shared and the warmth they exchanged by simply _being_ there next to each other. It wasn't bliss per se, but Iwaizumi couldn't think of anything he wanted more but to just simply relish in the moment with Oikawa like this. God knows how often he's able to do things like this, with both he and Oikawa getting busier and busier with each passing day. They were third years after all. 

"Iwa-chan…" a whisper. 

Iwaizumi couldn't bring himself to look into his eyes, so he only sighed. 

"Come on, the others will probably be getting here any minute now. Just what do you think will happen if they saw us like this?" Everything that came out of his mouth sounded like an excuse. But the moment has already passed, and he could feel the nerves welling up in his chest once more. What was _wrong_ with him? This was _Oikawa_ for fuck's sake. Who's hand was still very much on his forehead, and he jerked away as if he were burned. Something flashed in Oikawa's eyes but before Iwaizumi could comment on it, it was gone.

A few yells from outside the gym and the telltale indignant squawks from Hanamaki were the only signs the two of them got before they all came rushing in. Oikawa spared one last look at Iwaizumi before turning towards the rest of the club. He spoke animatedly with the idiot duo, gave warm greetings to the first years, and let out a barely-there sigh when Kyoutani was nowhere to be found. Though at this point, Iwaizumi had no idea why Oikawa was still waiting on him. 

Matsukawa stepped away from Oikawa and Hanamaki, who were both arguing over something petty, and made his way over to Iwaizumi. The hustle and bustle around them served as an adequate distraction and one that was desperately needed in Iwaizumi's case. Matsukawa must've noticed something was off about him if the concerned frown he was giving him was anything to go off of. 

Iwaizumi waved him off, his eyes saying "I'm fine, so you can stop looking at me like that." Luckily enough, Matsukawa seemed to get the message and gave him a small nod, it's hesitant nature making itself obvious. Iwaizumi sent a small glare, insistent as ever. Maybe if he kept telling Matsukawa he was fine, he would actually start to feel that way. He could always hope.

The smell of morning dew and musty gym mingled with one another, and before he knew it, he was in a trance of sorts. His head felt like it was stuffed full of feathers, and his throat was drier than the vacuum out in space. Well, if he was going to blame anything for whatever the fuck happened earlier, he was going to blame the cause of the sudden dizzy spell that caused him to stumble. Matsukawa startled and caught him by the underarm just as his left foot caught on his right one. 

"Iwaizumi, you sure you're good? I can take you to the infirmary if you want--" Matsukawa spoke, but Iwaizumi could barely register what he was saying. He grunted, using his teammate's arm as leverage to get back up on his own two feet. Matsukawa's hands lingered around his shaky form, acting as a safety net just in case he gets hit with another dizzy spell. He distinctly registers someone running over to them, but he doesn't have the energy to put a name to the admittedly blurry face he's seeing. Wait, everything is blurring together. That can't be a good sign, can it? 

"Iwa-chan!!" Oikawa was fretting over him again. Was it even Oikawa? _Well, who else could it be but that idiot, Hajime? Nobody else calls you 'Iwa-chan'._

Reluctantly, Matsukawa handed Iwaizumi's slumped form over to Oikawa who began to haul ass to the infirmary, Iwaizumi's form draped over his back in a makeshift piggyback. 

"Hah- put me _down_ , I'm fine!" Iwaizumi tried to put up a struggle, but his limbs weren't responding the way he wanted them to. He winced as his head pounded, a wave of pain lacing through all of his cells and leaving him boneless. Oikawa swiveled onto him, his concern hitting its hopeful peak. 

"Iwa-chan! You're clearly not fine, so just shut up for a bit and come with me to the nurses!"

"No the fuck we're _not--_ " He was rather rudely cut off once Oikawa broke out into a run, jostling Iwaizumi this way and that. As much as he was touched by Oikawa's concern, he was also pretty sure that this was only making his headache worse. 

Deciding to just suck it up and wait for whatever had caught him to pass, he hung onto Oikawa's neck and swung his legs around the other boy's waist. Catching on rather quickly, Oikawa snatched up Iwaizumi's thighs and continued forwards. Blaming the flush in his cheeks on the sudden fever, Iwaizumi tucked his head into the crook of Oikawa's neck and grumbled for the rest of the way. 

Unbeknownst to him, Oikawa was grinning like a fool.

Iwaizumi did his best to ignore his heart's wishes. He wanted to cling onto his friend for as long as he could. But he knew something had changed between them, but it was something so vague and broad that he honestly couldn't be bothered. 

He's known for a while that his heart was being unreasonable. The lurches in his stomach weren't completely random, no matter how much he tried to convince himself that they _were._ If he really thought about it, he should've seen this coming from miles away. 

A sudden wave of remorse came over him and he clung even tighter to Oikawa's shoulders and buried his head further into the crook of Oikawa's neck. If the man himself felt Iwaizumi's sudden change in behavior, he didn't say anything. Probably out of concern for his own well-being. 

It was only when Oikawa stopped did Iwaizumi look up from his little perch on his shoulder. They had arrived at the infirmary.

 _Shame,_ Iwaizumi found himself thinking. _I would've liked that to go on for a bit longer._ His eyes widened when he caught himself. It wasn't safe for him to think about these things right now. Why exactly? He had to stop himself eventually, as this infatuation of his was getting ridiculous. It's better for both of them if he just gave up now, anyways. 

Using his foot, Oikawa pushed open the door to the infirmary and rushed both of them inside. 

Iwaizumi paled slightly upon realizing that the nurse wasn't in at the moment. Probably a bathroom break, he supposed, but that didn't make this whole experience any more pleasant. 

_He and Oikawa were alone, together._

He shouldn't be this aware of his best friend, he knows, he knows better than anybody. But he can't help himself. It was just that today was an off-day for him, and he had nobody to blame but fucking _Oikawa and his pretty eyes, and stupid smile, and dumb--_

"Uhm, Iwa-chan? Could you get down from me? I need to check something real quick." It was then that Iwaizumi realized how tightly he was _still_ hanging onto the brunet. He quickly let go of Oikawa's shoulders and carefully slid off of his friend's back. The back of his thighs had small indents in them, the shape of lithe, slender fingers; probably from Oikawa's unorthodox and impromptu piggyback ride. He ignored the beat that his heart skipped at the thought, and sat himself down on one of the beds they had available. 

While he idled, Oikawa rummaged the cabinets above the nurse's desk and made a small sound of triumph once he re-emerged with a thermometer in his hand. 

He strode over to Iwaizumi and leveled the thermometer at his head. It gave a distinct _beep,_ and it read 38.4 C. Oikawa winced, and hastily put the thermometer back on its original shelf. 

"Well?" Iwaizumi grinned, though it was more of a grimace than anything. "What's the verdict?" He leaned back on his elbows, making himself comfortable while he still could. He could really feel the fever from here, and it was absolutely killer. He internally sighed, lamenting his current situation. While his more Oikawa-friendly thoughts were of partial blame for his fever, the rest of the blame sat on his own shoulders. He'd been getting way too worked up about, well, everything _._ He needed to take a page out of Mattsun's book and loosen up a little. 

A moment of silence lapsed over the two of them, and a charge in the air set off the hairs on the back of Iwaizumi's neck. He didn't know what it was about Oikawa's sudden lilt, but it just _did_ something for him.

"Iwa-chan, is there something you're not telling me?" 

His blood ran cold.

"What? The fuck are you on about, Oikawa?" 

"It's just that I can't help but notice how you always seem to be somewhere else whenever you're with me." 

_What?_

"I was lucky enough that I had you to myself earlier this morning." Oikawa smiled, one that said _there's no use in hiding now._ "Tell me, Iwa-chan. Did I do something wrong?" He leaned forwards, his eyes narrowing into intrigued crescents. 

Iwaizumi could only stare. He's only seen this side of Oikawa during competitions, or whenever they were up against Ushiwaka and the rest of Shiratorizawa. Never like this, though. _Not until now._

Oikawa took another step closer. Iwaizumi's legs enclosed Oikawa's hips, which were now resting against the end of the bed frame. It was a dangerous position, and something told Iwaizumi that Oikawa knew very damn well what he was doing to him. 

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself, _Iwa-chan?"_ The way he spoke his name sent shivers down Iwaizumi's spine, and he couldn't help the little breath that caught in his throat. Fuck, he couldn't breathe. 

"Oi Shittykawa, I don't know what the fuck you're on about but you might wanna back the fuck up before I kick your ass." He shocked himself at how steady his own words sounded, considering that he himself was in no way steady right now. 

"My goodness! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" The light came back to Oikawa's eyes, and Iwaizumi let out a breath that he didn't even know he was holding in. 

What the fuck just happened? 

Oikawa still hasn't moved, however, and another problem was surfacing rather quickly. Iwaizumi blushed furiously and kicked Oikawa's side, causing the other to let out a surprised yelp. It seemed to have the desired effect as it made him finally move from where he was previously hovering over Iwaizumi's feverish form. 

"Iwa-chan, you brute! You could've just asked me to move like any other normal person!" 

"I did, but you were too slow."

Iwaizumi looked away from his friend, doing his best to find the rosy flush still present high on his cheekbones. He could feel Oikawa staring at him, so he could do nothing but pray that he didn't notice the rapidly deepening blush that Iwaizumi was sprouting. 

"Is it okay for us to be here? The nurse isn't even back yet," Oikawa whispered. Why was he whispering? It was just the two of them here. 

"Dumbass, we already did what we came here for. If you're done, hurry up and go back to the others. I'll be fine on my own." Iwaizumi pushed himself up from his elbows and swung his legs over the side of the bed. There was still a slight ache in the back of his head, but he could tell that his breathing was coming easier and steadier now. A definite improvement. 

Oikawa huffed. "I know that, but let me stay? For just a while longer, I promise." Iwaizumi looked at him incredulously but decided not to press him any further. Oikawa took his silence as _"I don't know what you're up to this time but don't be too annoying and I won't care."_ Or at least, that's what his shit-eating grin told Iwaizumi. 

"Whatever, I'm taking a nap. Be too loud and I'll kill you in your sleep." He shuffled a bit and turned so he would be facing away from Oikawa. 

"Iwa-chan!! That's not very nice of you!!" Oikawa's voice followed him even into his dreams. Despite its frequent whiny nature, he couldn't help but hold his own appreciation for the richness of Oikawa's voice. He didn't know what to think of that, so he didn't think at all. That was easy enough.

When he woke up, Oikawa was gone. Even though he had expected it, his heart still did a funny little thing that made him want to double over and cry. He sat up, taking in the nurse who was now at her desk, typing away at her keyboard. She looked up at him, gave him a small smile and said, "Your friend went on ahead. He told me to tell you to _'take care of yourself'_ and to _'not die on him'_." She then giggled and shook her head like she couldn't believe herself. 

Iwaizumi sighed, and only then did he notice the blanket that was haphazardly thrown over him. Half of it had fallen onto the floor, probably from when he first roused. His heart ached, but for an entirely different reason now. 

Today was a weird day, he decided. 

While his head was still a bit fuzzy around the edges, he felt immensely better. His chest still felt a few pegs too tight, but at this point, he's learned how to work around it. 

Phantom hands still held on to his thighs, and a careless whisper was thrown over his shoulder and against the shell of his ear. He involuntarily shuddered and made himself scarce before he could embarrass himself any further, folding the blanket and putting it back onto the bed. 

What the fuck was up with him these days? Iwaizumi slid the door shut behind him before making his way to his classes. Luckily for him, they had only just begun, leaving enough time for him to wander the halls with his thoughts. Whether that was a curse or a blessing, he hadn't the slightest clue. 

The whole 'falling for Oikawa' process was a long and tedious one. It wasn't so cutthroat that he suddenly woke up one morning head over heels for his best friend; no, it had happened over the many years they'd known each other, starting with maybe a few flutters within his heart, but ultimately leading to something a bit more consistent. 

He was in deep, and he didn't know how to get out. Did he even want to get out anymore? 

Iwaizumi took a stuttering breath, his thunderous heart not slowing a single beat. _I know what I want,_ he thought while sliding open the classroom doors and slipping into his seat. _But I don't think I'll ever be able to have it._

 _"Is that going to stop you from wanting it, though?"_ a small voice in the back of his mind prodded, a bitter chuckle accompanying the words. _"Of course not. You never learn, do you?"_

He sighed and tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying, but his head still felt as if it were stuffed full of cotton balls. Knowing that it was useless to even try, Iwaizumi tucked his head into his elbow and felt himself drift off once more. He'd ask Oikawa for the notes he missed later; for now, though, he needed to get his shit together.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos fuel me! :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A promised dinner date(?) and regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Iwaizumi!! I promise it'll get better for you soon!!

The next day, he couldn't help but notice that Oikawa was sneaking glances at him with a strange look in his eyes. Iwaizumi could tell that Oikawa was trying his damndest to hide it, but they've known each other for way too long for it to actually be effective. 

Rolling his shoulders, he jumped into the set-spike sequence with a ferocity that made his teammates on the sidelines flinch, spiking the ball past the two sets of hands that came up just a second too late. They were doing a 3 on 3 practice today, with the rest of the team doing drills on the sides. It was a slow day, and Iwaizumi couldn't have asked for more. 

A chorus of _"Nice kill, Iwaizumi!"_ 's rang out from his side of the net, and a few others who were watching the game unfold. He landed on his feet with a _thump,_ a grin stretching across his face. 

In a turn of events, today's game found Oikawa on the opposite side of the net. He locked eyes with Iwaizumi, his eyes narrowing slightly when Iwaizumi tilted his head back and smiled something feral. The hard lines of his bunched up shoulders told Oikawa, _"Nice try, Shittykawa, but better luck next time."_

"Don't mind, don't mind! We'll get the next one!" Oikawa swung to face his side of the net, a startlingly impassive look settling over his features. He clapped, urging his teammates to ready themselves once more. Kunimi looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there, and Hanamaki only smirked, breathing out a sardonic "Yes, Captain Oikawa, sir." 

Iwaizumi distinctly registered the piercing shrill of the whistle, and the ball was over the net in the blink of an eye. He, Kindaichi, and Yahaba all rushed to their respective places, barely recovering from a spike courtesy of Kunimi. Kindaichi grunted, managing to get a hand under the ball and over to Yahaba, who was waiting in the wings. 

"Iwaizumi-san!" a strong _thwock_ sounded in the air, the promise of a point luring Iwaizumi in until he felt himself jump on autopilot. With his arm drawn back as taut as a bowstring, he swung at the ball, his spike grazing the fingers of Hanamaki who looked back, a small grin on his face. 

"I touched it! Back, fall back!" he called out, smoothly dropping down and swinging himself over to the right. 

Without missing a single beat, Oikawa dug the ball, sending it over to Hanamaki who called out a swift, "Right!" Iwaizumi was able to jump in time for the block to be useful, but Makki was faster, much to Iwaizumi's chagrin. He clicked his tongue at the boisterous cheers Oikawa and Hanamaki shared, and ignored the deep-seated throb that went through his heart at the sight of Oikawa's smile. 

Each team continued to rack up points until two quick blows of the whistle signaled the end. Both sides were exhausted, but Iwaizumi could see Oikawa wearing a triumphant grin, and he knew he was fucked. 

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa called from his spot on the gym floor. Someone passed him a water bottle and he took it gratefully, taking long gulps in between breaths. Iwaizumi let his eyes drag over the bob of his Adam's apple, but only for a moment. "You owe me a meal." 

"Hah? I don't owe you shit," Iwaizumi snorted, leaning against the wall while wiping off the sweat from his brow, water bottle in one hand and a towel in the other. He risked another glance at Oikawa, only to catch the other unabashedly staring at him. 

"I thought we agreed that the loser has to do whatever the winner tells them to? And I'm hungry." 

It wasn't an uncommon practice for them to play this game; they've been doing it for years, and it served as a decent motivator. There is absolutely no reason why Iwaizumi's heart should be going into overdrive at the implication of _whatever he wanted,_ but it does anyway. 

_Jesus fucking Christ, there has to be something wrong with me._

Iwaizumi groaned and slumped against the wall, boneless from their match. "Whatever," he began, taking a swig from his water bottle. "Let's just hurry up and get it done and over with." Oikawa pouted at that, a whine sitting on his lips but never quite leaving him. 

"Is today any good?" Oikawa had gotten up at one point and was hustling the other members to start wrapping up. A few of the first years lingered, beady little eyes watching the exchange between their captain and ace. Kunimi in particular, whose gaze Iwaizumi felt like an almost too heavy blanket. There was something about him at that moment that threw the ace terribly off, and he did his best to ignore the question sitting behind those very eyes. 

_"What is he to you, Iwaizumi-san? A friend? Or a lover? Just choose already,"_ those eyes chastised him. _"You're wasting everybody's time."_ Iwaizumi gritted his teeth, surprising himself at the sudden urge to throttle somebody. 

"Iwa-chan? Did you hear me?" Oikawa's hand found itself in front of his face, waving an inquisitive greeting. Iwaizumi blinked and pushed the hand away. 

"Yeah, I heard you. Hurry up and get dressed, I wanna go home already." 

Oikawa hummed a non-committal thing. "Iwa-chan, are you an old man or something?" He shrieked when the shorter of the two swung at him, leaning back as far as he possibly could without toppling over. 

Iwaizumi was used to this; whatever 'this' was, he could handle. What he couldn't handle, however, was also 'this'. That, and something much more. 

The playful nature of their fights brought him the happiness he never knew he could have. But because he had to go and catch feelings for the idiot that was his best friend, things weren't the same anymore. At least to him, they weren't. 

He knew this better than anything the moment he caught Oikawa's gaze and held it for the good remainder of the minute. They had stopped flailing around, and a few curious eyes had drifted over to them, but Iwaizumi found that he couldn't care less. For all he knew, it was just him and Oikawa in this world of theirs. Staring into those hazel eyes, Iwaizumi saw a part of Oikawa that nobody other than him was allowed to see. A small fire was ablaze in the depths of those irises, and Iwaizumi wanted nothing more but to feel that heat on his skin. Of course, someone had to come over and burst their bubble. 

"Oi, lovebirds! Hurry up and get out!" Hanamaki threw his water bottle at the back of Oikawa's head, the thing bouncing off of his skull with a clean _bonk!_ While Oikawa sputtered incredulously, Hanamaki threw out his chest and gave a hearty laugh. Iwaizumi glared at him, because honestly, _what the fuck._

"Makki, what the hell? Read the mood!" Oikawa hissed and threw the water bottle back at its owner who caught it effortlessly. 

Iwaizumi's head swirled at those words, his thoughts going a mile a minute. _Calm the fuck down, Hajime. He didn't mean anything by it,_ he told himself. As much as he wanted to believe otherwise, he wouldn't let himself do so. Oikawa flirted as he breathed, and Iwaizumi had no choice but to familiarize himself with it, lest he slips up in front of Oikawa and makes an even bigger fool of himself. 

_"It's a surprise he even keeps you around at all,"_ that same nagging voice from before spat. _"You're no good to him. You're useless."_

"Shut up," he ground out, wary of Oikawa and Hanamaki who were only a few feet away. While he may be going insane, he sure as hell didn't want to show it, too. "Don't you think I already know that?" 

The voice only laughed. 

Oikawa tugged on his arm, an impatient smile on his face. "Let's go, Iwa-chan. The faster we get away from this idiot, the better." 

"Are you sure you aren't talking about yourself?" Iwaizumi sniped, letting himself be dragged along by Oikawa's insistent pulling. Hanamaki cackled, seemingly done with pestering them. 

"C'mon, I'm starving already! Let's just get this over with like you said." Iwaizumi made a small noise of acknowledgment and followed his loud friend out of the gym. Oikawa looked back at him, and his previously apprehensive glare melted into a doting thing, the corners of his lips quirking into a lazy grin. The sun was well on its way down the horizon, the surrounding area was bathing in a soft golden accent, and Iwaizumi felt his heart fill with what couldn't be described as anything other than longing. 

"How does that new shop down the street sound to you? Mattsun says it has curry buns to die for, but I'm pretty sure their other stuff is just as good, if not better." Oikawa's grip on his arm had lessened considerably and had dropped down to grasp at his wrist instead. Iwaizumi's pulse skyrocketed, and he could only hope that the other wouldn't notice it too much. 

Iwaizumi arched an eyebrow. "That's surprisingly tame, especially considering your last request." He did his best to steady his breathing but to no avail. Fuck, this wasn't good. 

"Why, did you want me to ransack your poor wallet? No, I didn't think so, either," Oikawa sighed, and let his hand drop away from Iwaizumi completely. He ran his now free hand through his hair, tussling it into a mess of curls. "We might want to hurry, though. They'll be closing in less than an hour."

"But it's not even that late?" 

"It's a new shop, Iwa-chan. You can't just expect them to cater to your every whim; they have standards, too, you know!" 

A group of giggling girls passed in front of them until one of them pointed to Oikawa and from what he could see from here, sent another into a hell that Iwaizumi knew all too well. The girl in question held a small pink envelope in a death grip, squabbling with her friends over whether she should "give it to him already," or not. Well, it had been a while since one of _those_ had happened, anyways. It was about damn time. 

"You deal with that," he said to Oikawa. "I'll go on ahead." He gave Oikawa's shoulder a brief nudge, relishing in the small contact. He pulled away, ignoring the desperate plea from Oikawa's rapidly widening eyes. This wasn't any place for him to be. It never has, and never will. 

"Iwa-" Oikawa began, but was cut off when the girl with the envelope came up to him, a pretty pink blush on her cheeks, calling out a soft "Oikawa-kun?". 

Iwaizumi wanted to run. So he ran, never looking back. He'll be regretting running later, he knows. But for now, he had to get away, before he did something he would regret even more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos fuel me! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of hope for Iwaizumi, as a treat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my chapters are getting shorter and shorter rip

He pretended to not hear Oikawa calling his name again, pretended to not see the usually serene smile be replaced with a panicked shout, and he pretended to not feel the drag of his feet against the pavement, itching to go back.

He seemed to be pretending a lot of things these days. 

Iwaizumi gasped for air, leaning against a brick wall for support. The stifling air of the summer afternoon hit him hard and fast, nearly knocking him over. 

"Shit," he breathed. "Shit, shit, _shit._ "

 _"'Shit' is right; you've really gone and done it now, haven't you?"_ Iwaizumi swung out his arm, punching the bricks with the back of his clenched fist. Not now. 

"Shut up, shut up, _shut up!"_ He clutched at his head, a sudden throb of pain lancing itself through his skull. 

"Are you feeling alright there, young man?" A concerned voice asked from above. 

Iwaizumi yelped, leaping away from the hunched over figure that suddenly appeared in front of him. His rapid pulse calmed once he saw that it was but an old man, probably out for some fresh air. He nodded hesitantly, nearly choking on his own heavy breaths. 

"I'm f-fine, sir. Sorry for worrying you." Iwaizumi internally slapped himself for his stammer. 

"It's okay to not be okay, you know." The old man laughed, his eyes bunching up in the corners into terribly charming crow's feet. Iwaizumi suddenly felt as if this grandpa was more than what he seemed, even more so when he saw the mischievous glint still present in the old man's eyes. He bowed his head, muttering a hasty apology. 

"What are you apologizing for, son? You've done nothing wrong." The old man placed a warm, albeit frail, hand on Iwaizumi's shoulder. "Raise your head." 

"How do you know if I haven't done anything wrong?" Iwaizumi's voice came out in small bursts, his throat beginning to swell dangerously. "I could be one of the worst people alive. Would you still think that way?" 

"Of course. But I know you can't be all that bad," he grasped his shoulder, the knobbly tips of his fingers digging into the fabric of Iwaizumi's jacket. "Bad people rarely consider themselves to be the 'bad guy.'" Iwaizumi looked up from his feet, expecting to see a deep-seated frown on the old man's face. What he got instead was a shaky grin, and a pair of warm brown eyes looking back at him. 

"Sorry," was all Iwaizumi said. 

The old man sighed, leaning back and letting out a pained groan. He took his hand from Iwaizumi's shoulder and placed it on his lower back, rubbing the spot in small, soothing circles. He met Iwaizumi's eyes once again and smiled sheepishly. "You wouldn't mind keeping an old fart like me some company, would you?" He pointed down the street, to a small corner store that had a sign reading _Togata's Goods_ in a neat, bold print. 

_Huh,_ Iwaizumi thought. _Must be new._

"That's my shop over there. If you'd like, you can help yourself to anything you want." Iwaizumi let himself take another good look at the seemingly harmless old man, with his old button-up shirt and plaid vest. He startled slightly when the old man-- _Togata,_ presumably-- started to move. "Think of it as compensation for listening to a dead man's woes." 

_It was more the other way around,_ Iwaizumi lamented. Even though he had only just met him, Togata was so warm and kind, not hesitating to give him advice. He shouldn't be taking advantage of a stranger's kindness like this. 

"I can't, Togata-san." Iwaizumi stared at the back of Togata's head, his wispy hair glinting in the backlight of the sun. Togata stilled, but in the end, he didn't say anything. After a few moments, he hummed and continued walking. 

"Suit yourself. Come by if you want an afterschool snack, or if you just want to talk." Togata waved, "Bring a friend if you would. It's terribly lonely these days."

Oikawa immediately came into mind, but Iwaizumi was already hell-bent on _not_ thinking about him. Not until tomorrow, at least. "I will," he ended up saying. "I'll see you then, Togata-san. Have a good rest of your afternoon and take care of yourself." 

Togata chuckled, weary but cheery all at the same time. "You should be the last person saying that to me." Iwaizumi ended up walking with him to the entrance of the shop but went no further. He waited as Togata fumbled with the lock, and eventually slipped inside. After waving goodbye one last time, Iwaizumi headed home.

The whole encounter got him thinking, _"If Togata-san, a mere stranger, was able to tell that I was off, what do my friends--"_ Oikawa, his subconscious unhelpfully supplied, _"--think of me?"_

Before he realized it, he was already home, and the lights were all turned off. Letting a familiar numbness seep into his veins, Iwaizumi toed off his shoes and opened the door, a handwritten note fluttering to his feet once he did so. 

He picked up the note, the flimsy paper scrunching beneath his grip. His eyes felt tired, and he could barely walk another step, his legs as wobbly as jello. How inconvenient.

 _Hajime,_ it read. _Please fix yourself a meal. I'll be out until late tonight, so be sure to lock up and study lots before going to sleep! Love, Mom._

Glancing at the clock on the kitchen island, Iwaizumi could barely make out a blurry 7:48. He clenched his fist, his skin cold and clammy with sweat. He was used to this. He could _do_ this. But why couldn't he move? Or rather, why wouldn't he?

He felt the back of his head hit the door, and his knees buckle. He was suddenly struggling to breathe, his head pounding from both the lack of oxygen and the whiplash. Fuck, he should've seen this coming. He _really_ should've seen this coming. 

"Ahh," he croaked, his voice getting scratchier by the minute. "Shit!" He threw off his bag along with his jacket, despite the endless shivering racking his entire body. He slammed his palms together, gnawing at his lip when they refused to just sit against one another. He gave up when the taste of iron began to fill his mouth, opting for chewing on his thumbs instead.

The world in front of him began to blend, even after his breathing had somewhat stilled. Pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes, Iwaizumi let out a shaky breath, all too mindful of the prickling sensation at the corners of his eyes. 

"What am I _doing?_ " He choked out. " _Fuck."_

He sat there, idling as the minutes went by, the iridescent glow of the setting sun transforming into the soft lines of the early evening. At one point he closed his eyes, oblivious to what was going on around his still shaking form.

His stomach growled, and Iwaizumi was reminded of the deal that he and Oikawa had made. Quickly wanting to leave _that_ particular hellhole, he managed to stand and make his way into the kitchen. 

He settled for warming up some leftovers, deciding that it would be good enough for a heavy snack before he passed out. His fingers absentmindedly wandered to his phone, and he winced at the number of missed calls and angry texts from Oikawa. Opening up one of the many voicemails from his undoubtedly pissed friend, Iwaizumi prepared for the worst.

 _"Iwa-chan, you idiot!"_ Oikawa's infuriated voice yelled over the receiver. _"Why the hell did you leave me? Do you have any idea how painful that was?"_ A bit of rustling. _"We had a_ deal _if you even bothered to remember."_ A beep. 

Against his better judgement, Iwaizumi opened another. 

_"Iwa-chan…"_ Oikawa's voice was drastically different from the one he had used previously, the underlying tone being suspiciously apathetic. _"Just so you know, I rejected her."_ Another beep.

Iwaizumi scoffed into his phone, desperately trying and failing to hide the sudden grin that broke out across his face. He gripped his phone until his knuckles turned white, and felt the exhaustion sag from his shoulders.

"Dumbass," he whispered, despite knowing that nobody but him could hear. 

He skipped the rest of the voicemails and sneaked a peek at the flurry of text messages he got from Oikawa, a mess of emojis, exclamation points, and question marks littering his tiny screen. He scowled, quickly responding with a well thought out _"shut the fuck up"_ of his own. 

Not even a minute later, his phone started buzzing violently, a cheery ringtone echoing throughout the empty house. Already knowing who'd be waiting on the other side if he picked up, Iwaizumi let it die out. He'd deal with Oikawa tomorrow when he could actually think. 

Stuffing his food into his mouth, he chewed introspectively, his mind still a jumble of scrambled thoughts and hazy memories. One thing he knew for sure, however, was that he was both fucked, and a coward. Why Oikawa had bothered telling him of yet another rejection was beyond any _reasonable_ thoughts of his, but as to why he was unmistakably ecstatic about it… well, that's a bit obvious, isn't it? 

He sighed heavily, nearly choking on his food. If there was any way this whole Oikawa deal with him was going to end, it would be horribly; that, he also knew for sure. 

_I can still hope, though,_ he reasoned with himself. _A little bit of hoping never hurt anybody._

 _"Famous last words, buddy boy,"_ a sickeningly familiar voice snarled into his ear. _"We both know_ exactly _who it's gonna hurt."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos fuel me! :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa goes and says something he shouldn't have, or rather, he should've said something when he was asked to. Iwaizumi then realizes the meaning of "silence can say a thousand words" all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made myself hungry while writing this one lmao. It also looks like Iwaizumi isn't the only one who needs to get his shit together.

Iwaizumi was dreaming again. How did he know? There was no way in hell that Oikawa Tooru would be _kissing him_ , tongue, teeth, lips and all, in real life. 

He clutched at Oikawa's collar, both wanting to pull him impossibly closer and to shove him somewhere far out of his reach. He didn't know which one he wanted more, so he only held on.

 _"Iwaizumi…"_ Oikawa gasped against his lips. _"Don't go."_ He pulled back just the tiniest bit, his pupils blown wide and his mouth sinfully red. Iwaizumi gulped and shivered as Oikawa's hands wandered lower to grab his hips. 

He bit back a moan. "Fuck! Oikawa, don't--" Iwaizumi was shut up with a kiss.

Oikawa slotted his legs in between Iwaizumi's and hummed into the kiss, his thumbs pressing into Iwaizumi's hips in a way that made him squirm. And as if someone had brought up scissors to him and cut the line that was his patience, Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa's shoulders and pushed him away, both of them still panting heavily. Iwaizumi looked anywhere _but_ at Oikawa's mouth, still glistening with a mix of their saliva. 

"Do you ever fucking listen?" He licked his lips, watching as Oikawa's eyes followed the little movement, his eyes getting fractionally darker. A cheeky grin and swipe of his tongue against his own lips shook Iwaizumi to remind himself that this was _just a dream._

"You should know better than anybody that I don't," Oikawa tutted, pressing a finger to the bottom of Iwaizumi's lips. "I also know that you're just as bad as me, if not worse when it comes to listening." Suddenly, Oikawa was slipping away from him, his touch as cold as the sharp bite of winter. The painfully familiar features of his face spiraled into something menacing, the teeth too sharp and the eyes opened a tad too wide. 

When Oikawa spoke, it was with another voice, one that Iwaizumi knew and loathed. "You'll never have _this,_ " he waved to himself. "Hoping can only get you so far." 

"What the hell do you want from me?" Iwaizumi spat, shoving at Oikawa's chest. He clenched his fist, just barely managing to pull himself back together.

Oikawa chuckled, once again in that same voice. "I just want you to listen to yourself." His face was distorting once more, shifting into a reflection of Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes but didn't say anything. 

"You know I'm right, _Iwa-chan,"_ his voice snapped at him. Suddenly, Iwaizumi was talking to himself. 

The copy lunged at him, catching him by the throat. Iwaizumi grabbed at his copy's rapidly tightening hold, doing his best to tear the veiny hands off of him, but it was no use. 

"You're a fucking fool, Hajime. Just stop this before your precious _Shittykawa_ sees that, too." He pronounced every word with a squeeze to Iwaizumi's throat, and Iwaizumi could feel himself start to blackout, his eyes stinging and his airways screaming. 

He woke with a start, gasping for air, a slight pressure still remaining in his chest. He felt beads of sweat gather at the back of his neck, and he could only sit there, waiting as his senses came back to him one-by-one. Iwaizumi turned to look at the time and groaned quietly when he saw a flashing 4:15 AM, too early to actually wake up but also too late to go back to sleep. 

He cradled his head in his hands, even more at a loss than ever before. He still felt Oikawa's lips on his own, even if it was just a mere shadow of what had happened in his dream. Absentmindedly, he brought his fingers up to his lips, shivering when they tingled as he brushed against them. 

Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back onto the pillow, his heart still hammering away in his chest from both fear and what was maybe elation. 

Iwaizumi never liked letting his insecurities get the best of him. Then again, he couldn't think of a single person who did. At this rate, however, he could see himself drowning in them sooner or later.

Time passed, and the day went on as it normally would. Or at least, that's what he liked to think.

That dream of his threw him off to an extent where even _Kindaichi_ was casting worried glances his way, and the rest of the team weren't any better at hiding their concern for their usually stoic ace. After practice had ended, Oikawa had gathered he, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki seemingly out of the blue, but Iwaizumi couldn't help but entertain the thought that Oikawa was maybe doing this for _him_ if the lingering eyes of the brunet were anything to go by. 

"...and then that little shit goes and says _well done!_ Can you believe it, Iwaizumi?" Hanamaki swung an arm over his shoulders, earning him a scowl. He raised an eyebrow but didn't move away. "What, no yelling?" 

"Just got a lot on my mind, that's all," he explained, shaking his head. Iwaizumi let Hanamaki steer him towards the other two who were well on ahead of them, Oikawa making most of the conversation while Matsukawa held back, providing snarky commentary every now and then. It was calming to see some normality in his rather abnormal friends. 

Iwaizumi sank into Hanamaki's grip, suddenly exhausted. His heart felt as if it was just a ball of string, something to be toyed with by the cat that was nobody other than Oikawa. Thankfully, Hanamaki didn't question anything, only letting Iwaizumi use his shoulder as he so needed to.

"Iwa-chan! Is something wrong?" Both Oikawa and Matsukawa sauntered over to them, the concern more evident in Oikawa's eyes and with Matsukawa there as a pillar of support. "If you wanted to go home, you could've just said so, dummy." Oikawa crossed his arms and Iwaizumi felt his whole being sag underneath the scrutiny. 

"Nah, I'm fine. Why'd you call us out here anyway?" Iwaizumi slipped away from Hanamaki's arm and rolled his neck, trying his best to ignore the sharp twinge in the back of his mind as he accidentally locked eyes with Oikawa. 

"Weren't you listening earlier? Because _someone_ had to go and leave me yesterday, I went home hungry, which is just unacceptable," Oikawa grinned, but despite the positive gesture, Iwaizumi felt another gut-wrenching twitch, and he felt indescribably guilty. "But worry not, dear Iwa-chan! Now you can make it up by treating all of us!" 

"How has this deal of yours tripled, Oikawa?" Matsukawa tilted his head, a finger raised to his lips as if he were trying to solve a rather difficult math equation. "That just doesn't add up, y'know."

"Shut up! It's because he ditched me!" 

Matsukawa gave him a look. "Did he really?"

" _Yes,_ now let's go before he decides to ditch us again!" Oikawa made himself at home by Iwaizumi's side, still bickering with Matsukawa the entire time. Iwaizumi slowly begins to recognize a few street lamps, then a rundown bakery, before he realizes where they're all headed. 

Oikawa stops first, hurriedly gesturing at a sign above them. "This is it, right? The one with the _really_ good curry buns?" He snuck a glance upwards, and asked again, "Togata's Goods?" 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa nodded in unison, a shared look of _ah yes, the curry buns,_ flitting over their faces. 

"Now don't be fooled," Hanamaki began. "Ignore any predispositions you have about curry buns altogether. These particular ones will change the very way you see them." 

"And taste them," Matsukawa added. Hanamaki nodded vigorously.

Iwaizumi walked past the two of them and opened the door, a small jingle making its way into his ears as he did so. 

It was a small shop, one that you could find just about anywhere. But there was something about the way it smelled, the way the door swung shut behind you, and the way that the idle chatter surrounded you that made this place that tiny bit _different_ from the others.

"Oh! It's you again!" The old man from yesterday beamed up at Iwaizumi from behind the counter, his arms folded neatly behind his back. "Find anything you like?" 

Hanamaki gasped from behind him, " _'Again?'_ Iwaizumi, have you been here without us?" He heard Matsukawa gasp in mock offense, and he rolled his eyes. 

"No, I've never been here. I've just met the owner before, that's all," he drawled. "And on that note, I've heard a lot about your esteemed curry buns, Togata-san. Mind if I buy a few for me and my friends?" 

"Well, who am I to say no to business?" Togata reached into the display case and pulled out four steamed buns, the tops a crisp golden brown. Togata gave Iwaizumi a smile, and waved over Hanamaki and Matsukawa, laughing when their faces lit up like a kid's on Christmas day. 

"I remember a few faces," Togata pointed to Oikawa, "...but you're new here, aren't you?" Oikawa froze like a deer in headlights, but eventually got over himself and approached the fresh buns waiting for him on the counter. 

While Iwaizumi paid, Oikawa snuck a bun and bit into the fluffy goodness, the dough not too tough but not too soft, and the curry that went over his tongue was utterly _divine._

Needless to say, he was in heaven. 

"Hnngh!" Oikawa tore the bun away from his mouth, holding it in his hands like it was something fit for the gods, his eyes tearing up. "What the hell? This is _delicious."_

"I'm glad you like it, haha!" Togata laughed. "Though I can't say I've ever seen that expression before. Are they really that good?" Oikawa made a brief sound of exclamation before shoving the rest of the bun into his mouth. 

"Look at that uncultured swine, Hana," Matsukawa whispered or at least tried to. "He doesn't know how to truly worship this work of art." 

"Right you are, dear Mattsun," Hanamaki held his own bun out to Matsukawa, urging him to take a bite. "Show him how it's done, won't you?" 

Matsukawa hummed, leaning down and taking one of the smallest bites Iwaizumi has ever seen out of the bun, the content of the curry just barely visible. He swallowed, looking up at Hanamaki and licking his lips. 

"You need to _savor_ it, Oikawa." Matsukawa righted himself and placed his bun in Oikawa's hands. "Do it right this time."

While Oikawa struggled with the other two, Iwaizumi considered his own bun, giving it a light squeeze. 

"Don't glare at the poor thing," Togata chided. "You'll make it run away!" 

"Ah." Iwaizumi blinked and smoothed out the lines of his frown. He brought the bun to his mouth, taking a meaty bite and letting the explosion of flavor flow over his tongue. He let out an involuntary moan, shutting his eyes and feeling his knees go weak. Whatever Matsukawa had said about this bun before didn't do it even the slightest justice. 

He heard Oikawa start coughing uncontrollably, but he was too busy enjoying his bun to actually care. 

He bought another two buns for himself, ignoring the pleas of the other three for more buns as well. _"Iwa-chan, so mean!"_ The three of them had said, but Iwaizumi had no room for pity in his heart where there could be food. 

As they made their way out of the shop, Iwaizumi felt himself smile for what felt like the first time in years. He and Oikawa bid their goodbyes to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, and the two of them quickly lapsed into a comfortable silence. 

Oikawa was the one to break it first, as usual. Clearing his throat, he rasped a quiet, "I guess today was worth it after all, huh, Iwa-chan?" He nudged the bag in Iwaizumi's grasp. "I also got to see you smile, even if it was just for food." 

Iwaizumi's heart did a small loop in his chest. "You see me smile every day, dumbass. And is there anything wrong with being happy over food?" He clutched his curry buns close to his chest, suddenly protective of them. 

Oikawa shook his head, sighing in begrudging agreement. "No, those buns were entirely worth it. I don't blame you for it the slightest bit." His voice was strangely rough, but even that quality was made appealing to Iwaizumi's ears. 

_They must be broken,_ he thought. 

"It's just a shame that I wasn't the one to make you smile like that." 

_Yeah, definitely broken._

Iwaizumi reached into his bag and pulled out both buns, thrusting one over to Oikawa, and stuffing the other into his own mouth. 

"Wha-- Iwa-chan? I don't understand? What's all of this for?" Oikawa looked over at Iwaizumi with the adoration of someone who believed he was the one who put the stars in the sky. 

"Compensation," he replied through muffled bites. "For leaving you yesterday. Don't think it'll happen again." 

Oikawa chuckled. "I have no idea what you're saying, but whatever." He took a bite and hummed gleefully. "Even when it's cold, it's still so good? I can't comprehend how this is possible." 

Iwaizumi nodded, chewing on his own bun thoughtfully. _"It just is, Shittykawa,"_ he swallowed, speaking again without the food in his mouth. "Accept it." 

Without either of them realizing it, they had made their way to a park, where the chill of dusk had just begun to settle. A few kids were still out and about, their parents keeping a close eye on them from the sidelines. Iwaizumi was suddenly reminded of a much simpler time; A time in which it was just him and Oikawa, and no messy feelings to go around and fuck things up.

"Do you remember, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa poked at his sides, a small smirk on his lips. "We used to play here a lot as kids, didn't we?" 

"Eh, I guess." Of course, he remembers. 

Oikawa pouted. "At least show a bit more enthusiasm, Iwa-chan. Do you ever miss those days?" As if making a point, Oikawa leaned down and scooped up a stick, swinging it around how one would with a sword. 

"More often than not, I'll admit that much," Iwaizumi shrugged. "It was easier back then, sure, but I don't think I'd be giving up what we have today so easily, either." 

Oikawa's eyes took on a glossy sheen. Only then did Iwaizumi realize the weight of the words that had just come out of his mouth. Shit, that could've been worded differently. 

"You do _care,_ Iwa-chan! I knew you had it in you!" Oikawa cried happily, dropping his stick and rushing at Iwaizumi with open arms. Iwaizumi quickly caught Oikawa's hands, effectively stopping him in his tracks. 

They stood there like that for a good while, pushing at one another until the first stars of the night began to peek through the soft layers of the clouds, and until they began to breathe as one, their chests rising and falling in tandem. 

Oikawa's grip on his hands have gone lax, and Iwaizumi realized just how _tightly_ he was holding on to the other's admittedly warm hands. He let go, his hands falling limply to his sides and his breathing rapidly becoming an uncoordinated mess. He brought a hand up to the back of his neck, only for Oikawa to catch it and use it to bring their faces closer together, his steady breathing fanning out over Iwaizumi's cheekbones.

"Just throw a punch or something if you want me to stop," Oikawa licked his lips, a small smile beginning to form. "Because I don't think I'd be able to, otherwise." 

He kissed him. 

It couldn't have been anything more than a slight brush against Iwaizumi's slightly parted lips, but he was sure his entire face was on fire. He couldn't move, but he also found himself not wanting to, either. 

Oikawa sighed into the kiss, his hold on Iwaizumi's hand tightening even further. He tilted his head just so, and Iwaizumi could've sworn he felt his heart stop. He let his eyes flutter shut, the last thing he saw before feeling Oikawa pull away being the pure heat of the other's gaze. 

"You didn't push me away?" Oikawa was still holding his hand. 

"What the fuck did it look like to you?" Iwaizumi looked away, his feet readying to run if need be. "Wait, no. Don't answer that." 

"I didn't say you should've." Oikawa tried leaning in again, but Iwaizumi wasn't having any of it. 

He scowled, and did his best to will his blush away. "Just what are you trying to accomplish by doing this? You're not getting an extra favor out of me." 

Oikawa furrowed his brows, a small frown replacing the dopey smile. "Accomplish? Can't I just do it for the hell of it?" He stole another kiss from Iwaizumi before the other could react. "If it bothers you so much, think of it as nothing more than a friendly gesture."

Iwaizumi felt something inside of him either break, snap, or crumble at those words. It was bothering him exactly because of what Oikawa had said in order to _not_ bother him. He wanted to scream, but he knew he couldn't. Not here. Not now.

"Iwa-chan?" Oikawa's face peered at him from below, his almond eyes full of concern, but no contempt. 

"Is this all just a joke to you? A whim?" Iwaizumi's mouth moved before his brain could stop it. "Does this really mean nothing to you?" Iwaizumi felt something curl in his gut, but he had to focus before this could get any further out of hand. 

A look of hurt and confusion settled over Oikawa's face, but he didn't say anything. Iwaizumi scoffed, nodding incredulously. God, he hated this. "Alright, then."

His feet were moving on their own, and what could've easily been one of the best moments of his life became a living nightmare. The deafening silence of the park followed him home, and the night sky does little to ease his frazzled nerves. 

He slammed the door open, ignoring his mother's worried voice, hastily slipping off his shoes and running to his bed. He face-planted into his pillow, letting the stuffing inside muffle his anguish. If only he could've kept his big mouth shut…

 _"That's not the only problem, here,"_ Iwaizumi's inner self snickered. _"He never answered you, did he?"_

Iwaizumi clicked his tongue, and swung the blankets over himself, not bothering to change. He knew of one way to deal with this, and it wasn't thinking about it; it was sleep.

He couldn't tell if he hated Oikawa or if he loved him. Perhaps it was too soon for him to decide. Whatever he'd end up choosing will have to wait, though. 

Despite his hardest efforts, Iwaizumi didn't get a wink of sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos fuel me! :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All's well that ends well. They finally get their shit together, for one, and Oikawa is the little shit we all know and love.

It wouldn't be fair to say that Iwaizumi alone was a mess. No, it wouldn't, because Oikawa was one as well. While they were still on speaking terms, everyone could tell that _something_ had gone down, but nobody for the life of them could tell _what_. 

If Iwaizumi pushed on his pencil harder than necessary, no comments were made, even when he managed to snap his third pencil that period. He sighed and reached for another before the lunch bell went off, his classmates scattering like leaves in the wind. Blinking languidly, Iwaizumi rose from his seat but didn't move away. Normally, Oikawa would have already come over and dragged him off somewhere to practice, but today showed no signs of the brunet. His absence left a gaping hole in Iwaizumi's chest, which he hastily patched up with sheer willpower. 

Scenes of yesterday replayed in his mind in a broken loop, his sights repeatedly settling on the impromptu kiss Oikawa had given him. Iwaizumi felt himself stiffen, and his body began to flush uncontrollably. A few curious gazes wandered over to him and he quickly made himself scarce, his feet bringing him to a familiar spot on autopilot. 

He didn't even realize where he was headed until he heard two voices and a few light bumps from a volleyball. A slip of _Iwaizumi_ reached his ears and he ducked behind the corner, shame and intrigue swirling in his gut at the thought of eavesdropping. 

"What happened between you two? He's not insulting you as usual and to be frank, it's giving me the creeps," one of the voices said. "You guys were fine yesterday, weren't you? Was it because we left?" 

"One question at a time, Makki," Oikawa's voice filtered itself into Iwaizumi's brain. "I mean, sure it's strange not to be yelled at by him, but it's _nice_ being able to talk to him normally, you know?" A pained chuckle later and Iwaizumi knew that he was bullshitting. 

"Stop," Hanamaki sounded close to tearing his hair out. "Don't do this to yourself, Oikawa." 

"Do what, exactly?" Oikawa asked, his voice teetering on the edge of being hostile. "I followed your advice and have a look at where it got me. Where it got _us."_ The volleyball had rolled over to Iwaizumi's feet, bumping against his shoe and coming to a stop. 

"Don't blame this shit on me. Calm your ass down and breathe _._ " Iwaizumi heard Hanamaki's footsteps inch closer to him, and he sucked in a breath. "Now, what happened between you guys?"

Oikawa scoffed. "Take a good guess." 

"My God, stop being so _petty_ and just--"

"I kissed him, Makki," Oikawa's words were accompanied by a slight tremble. "Is that what you wanted to hear?" A beat of silence passed over them.

Hanamaki gave a hollow chuckle. "Holy shit, Oikawa. I want to say I'm proud but it obviously went badly." He winced and apologized. "My bad. I think we should just never listen to what I say ever again, yeah?" 

Oikawa let out a choked sob, and Iwaizumi had to grab onto the wall before he went over there and confronted Oikawa himself. "Makki, what do I do? I messed up, I messed up, he hates me now, I just know it." His voice was steadily dropping into hysterics and increasing in volume. "I panicked, Makki. My big mouth had to go and fuck things up for me. Fuck, he hates me. He has to."

"Woah, don't you think that's a bit presumptuous? This is Iwaizumi we're talking about, right?" Hanamaki floundered. "Knowing him, a small kiss wouldn't have changed anything." 

"It wasn't just the kiss," Oikawa whined. "He-- he asked me if the kiss meant anything." He gave a small hiccup before continuing, "and I said no, like a dumbass." 

"Yeah, that might've been poor decision making on your part." Iwaizumi couldn't breathe. What was Oikawa even trying to say? 

"Shut up and help me sort out this mess." 

Hanamaki sighed, and Iwaizumi could feel the apprehension rolling off of him in waves. "Look, as much as I want to help you out, I think you should just straight up tell him how you feel." 

"But I already tried that, Makki," Oikawa's voice lowered to a whisper, his words just barely reaching Iwaizumi's ears. "Why can't I just say what I mean?" 

Their words eventually fell into a lull, and Iwaizumi felt himself start to drift, the back of his head hitting the wall with a soft thump. He closed his eyes and let the information sink in. 

Oikawa had kissed him yesterday, and not because of some "friendly gesture." Apparently, it had meant something more to him, after all. 

Iwaizumi felt his heart flare with hope again, and he almost forgot where he was for a moment. When he brushed against the volleyball at his feet, he felt the contents of his stomach lurch dangerously. 

"Fuck," he hissed, pushing himself off of the wall and briskly walking away. However, it wouldn't be fast enough, as Hanamaki had already seen him, the ball now in his hands and a look of pure horror on his face. Oikawa sneaked a glance from behind him, going deathly pale at the sight of Iwaizumi. 

"Wait, Iwaizumi--!" Hanamaki dropped the ball and broke out into a run, only to be stopped by Oikawa's sudden yank on his shirt. 

"It's okay," Oikawa smiled through gritted teeth. "I'll go talk to him." Is what he said, but the other was long gone by then. 

That didn't deter him in the slightest, though, and Iwaizumi found himself looking back at a sweat-soaked Oikawa chasing after him, hot on his heels. 

"Piss off, Trashykawa! The hell are you chasing me for?" Iwaizumi picked up the pace, whipping his head back over to the front. He vaulted over a set of railings, a slight sting running up his ankle as he landed. 

"Well, what are you running for, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa huffed from behind him, only staggering slightly as he did his own landing. "I wouldn't be chasing you if you weren't constantly running away from me, now, would I?" 

"Who's running away from you?!" Iwaizumi bit out as he rushed into the courtyard, the adrenaline in his veins sending a slight buzz to his brain. In a small stroke of luck, nobody but the two of them were there. Just as he reached one end of the yard, he heard a cry of pain from Oikawa at the other end. He cursed at himself for stopping. 

"Don't strain yourself, dumbass," he heaved, still catching his breath. He turned around to see Oikawa rubbing at his bad knee, the only sign of pain showing on his face being a small grimace. Iwaizumi felt his legs begin to move of their own accord and soon enough, he was by Oikawa's side, reaching out and helping him up. 

The brunet laughed, the sound reminding Iwaizumi of the ringing of wind chimes on a quiet summer day. He looked up into Oikawa's eyes to be met with the same heady desperation, one that sat familiar in the deep recesses of his mind. 

Iwaizumi realized that he was still holding onto Oikawa's arm, and he let go as if he were burned by the other's touch. He didn't get far as Oikawa all but grabbed onto his hand and yanked him back, his breath hitching when Oikawa didn't release him. 

"Iwa-chan, wait," the other whispered, his words slight but still sending tremors down Iwaizumi's spine. He felt the grip on his hand tighten, his fight or flight response automatically kicking in. He jerked away, breaking the hold that had previously bound him. 

"What the hell do you want, asshole?" Iwaizumi rubbed at his reddening skin, wary of Oikawa's eyes trailing after his every move. He swallowed, the air surrounding the both of them thickening with a tension that's been trailing them for the better part of the day.

"Can we talk? Like seriously?" Oikawa made a move towards him, and Iwaizumi squared his shoulders. "It doesn't even have to be about yesterday--" Oikawa cut himself off before Iwaizumi could tell him to _shut the hell up_ because the unspoken agreement between the two of them was to _not_ talk about yesterday at all costs. Oikawa surprised him by going on, saying, "Actually, let's do just that. I'll go first." 

Iwaizumi's thoughts went back to Hanamaki's words: _"I think you should just straight up tell him how you feel."_

This was his closure, wasn't it? He guarded his hope like a sacred thing, and the reality soon dawned on him: the closure that he'd been unknowingly seeking terrified him. As much as he wanted it, he didn't know if he could bear to look at it. 

_"Coward,"_ his inner self spat. 

Just as Oikawa opened his mouth once more, Iwaizumi sprang forwards and clasped his hands over the brunet's mouth, a small _mmph!_ of surprise coming out of him. 

_Don't,_ Iwaizumi's eyes pleaded. _Please don't say anything._ Oikawa brought his hands up to his own, gently plucking them from his mouth and shifting them so he could whisper against them instead, his doe eyes full and so, so brown as they met Iwaizumi's own. 

"I think I'm in love with you." 

Iwaizumi felt himself shiver. _Please, just stop already._

"I love you, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi couldn't tell his right from his left, the world as he knew it was spinning, and Oikawa's lips moving across his palms weren't helping him in the slightest. He closed his eyes and took a stuttering breath, his voice shook when he managed to finally speak. 

"Oikawa, don't--"

"About what I said yesterday," Oikawa was cupping his own face with Iwaizumi's hands now, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on the back of Iwaizumi's hands. "That was a lie. I wanted you to think of it, so much so that I scared myself." He nuzzled into Iwaizumi's wrists, his hair tickling the other's fingertips. "I wanted you to think of _me._ And not as 'just a friend.'"

He was getting a confession. From his long time crush, his teammate, his _best friend,_ and so many other things that he can't be bothered to list. He should be ecstatic right now. So why does he feel like the world is about to end?

"How do I know you're not just fucking with me?" Iwaizumi glared at him, his expression guarded and his defenses at an all-time high. 

Oikawa mouthed at his wrists, a serene smile making its way onto his face. "Because I'm not," he replied like it was the most obvious damn thing in the world. 

Iwaizumi wanted to punch him right in his stupid, perfect face. Softly. On the mouth. With his own mouth. 

But before he did that, he needed to make sure Oikawa knew what he'd been hiding for God knows how many years. "For the record, I love you, too." He rolled his eyes at Oikawa's starstruck gaze and continued. "I've actually been doing so for a while now." Iwaizumi felt a light flush creep up on him, so he took back his hands and did his best to hide his face behind them. Oikawa protested for only a moment at the loss, until he saw where those hands had gone. 

"Iwa-chan, please don't hide," Oikawa gave a soft chuckle and Iwaizumi's flush only worsened. He felt warm hands enclose his own, and he risked a glance upwards. "Look at me?" 

"I already see too much of you every damn day." Iwaizumi let his hands be taken into Oikawa's own, and felt the other entwine their fingers. He registered a thumb absentmindedly stroking the skin on the back of one of his hands and his heart went into overdrive.

"I want you to see more of me. All of me." Oikawa was leaning closer until his breath was on Iwaizumi's lips. "And if you'll let me, I want to see all of you, too." 

"It's beyond me how there's anything left to see of you, Shittykawa," Iwaizumi said, his voice gravelly. Fuck, he was _so close._ "Especially after all of these years." 

Oikawa did that smiley thing with his eyes and inched the last few centimeters forwards to kiss the corner of Iwaizumi's mouth. He leaned back, an impish grin on his face. "We'll just have to show each other what we've been missing out on then, won't we?" 

"Do me a favor and just shut the fuck up." 

"Make me." 

If anybody commented on how the tension from before had seeped out of them both, they were few and far between. Kindaichi looked relieved, as did the rest of the team. Hanamaki and Matsukawa shared a look, Matsukawa asking a silent _"your work?"_

Hanamaki shook his head and replied with his own silent _"I had nothing to do with this."_

Matsukawa smirked. _"Lies."_

Hanamaki crossed his arms, a small pout making its way onto his face. "It's less about _who_ did it," he said, "and more about the thing itself. Let's just be happy Mommy and Daddy aren't fighting anymore."

Matsukawa hummed. "True, true." 

And if there was any sort of fighting, it was the good kind; one that they were all used to. Sure, Iwaizumi insulted Oikawa as usual, but they all knew that there was no real heat behind it. There never was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!!


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